“KNOW THYSELF”

Ramesh Mehay, Programme Director

Σωκράτης469BC-399 BC

Bradford VTS

BEHAVIOUR STYLE IDENTIFICATION

Y axis - responsiveness

Controlled ResponseApplied to people who rarely show their emotions. Typical behaviours

include: Immobile face Fixed eye contact Closed, formal body posture, static body, small gestures Monotone voice Task orientation

Emotive response:Applied to people who openly show their feelings and emotions. Typical

behaviours include: Facial mobility and animation. Short duration of eye contact Open body position, informality, large gestures, mobile body

movements Inflexion in voice

X-axis - assertiveness

"Tell" assertivenessA way of influencing that is more obvious to others: eg. "That was a

stupid thing to do." "Tell" behaviours include: Loud voice, clipped speech Intense eye contact More gestures, active body movements Stating opinions; thinking of self first

"Ask" assertivenessA way of influencing that is not perceived as so overt as "telling": eg.

"I don't think that was a good idea because blah, blah, blah. What do you think?“. "Ask" behaviours include:

Quiet voice, measured speech Less intense eye contact Fewer gestures, slower body movements Listening; thinking of others first

Putting it all together

Drivers

Pace: Fast, decisive; Voice: Clipped, monotone ; Posture: Formal, forward; Gestures: Small, precise; Eye Contact: Intense, direct ; Face: Fixed, immobile

Drivers are brisk and business-like, and like to get things done. Like to be in charge, and get results. Hate indecision and inefficiency. Base decisions on relevant facts, objectivity. Under pressure become autocratic and dictatorial.

With Drivers, do: Get on with it!, Be factual and succinct , Talk about results , Use

time efficiently

Don't: Waste their time, Be vague and rambling, Try to get too personal,

Try to control them , Be disorganised

Expressives Pace: Fast, spontaneous; Voice: Loud, fast, modulated ; Posture:

Relaxed, open; Gestures: Large, frequent; Eye Contact: Intense, but infrequent ; Face: Very mobile, animated.

Expressives are sociable, flamboyant. Seek recognition, and dislike being ignored. Irritated by routine, and lack of stimulation. Base decisions on intuition. Under pressure, will go on the offensive and attack.

With Expressives, do: Be prepared to socialise, Be enthusiastic and energetic, Offer your

opinions, Support their ideas , Be flexible, spontaneous

Don't: Be impatient or controlling, Bore them, Give them too much detail

or facts, Irritate them!

AMIABLES Pace: Slow, easy; Voice: Soft, modulated; Posture: Relaxed, informal;

Gestures: Large, but few; Eye Contact: Warm, friendly; Face: Open, animated

Amiables prefer to maintain relationships, and avoid confrontation. Want to be appreciated, and in turn are supportive, and think of others

first. Irritated by insensitivity and impatience. Base decisions on feelings, trust, people. Under pressure, will acquiesce, or submit.

With Amiables, do: Be friendly and informal, Show interest in them personally, Take your

time, Give them time to make decisions, Listen and be supportive of their feelings.

Don't: Rush them, Be factual, Be distant, and stand-offish, Give them cause to

mistrust you.

ANALYTICS Pace: Measured, systematic; Voice: Quiet, monotone ; Posture:

Formal, stiff; Gestures: Small, few; Eye Contact: Reflective, steady; Face: Fixed, unexpressive

Analyticals are concerned with the job in hand, and the process to achieve it.

They like time to prepare, and are logical and thorough They dislike unpredictability, and being rushed. Base decisions on lots of facts, credibility. Under pressure will withdraw, and avoid cause of stress.

With Analyticals, do: Get down to business, Listen carefully, Be formal and quiet, Give them

time to think and to put their point of view, Be specific and logical

Don't: Rush them, Interrupt them, Be flippant and casual , Be disorganised

or late, Lack credibility

What happens in a conflict situation?

EGO STATES: TRANSACTIONAL ANALYSIS

Ramesh Mehay (Ραμεση Μεηαυ)

Εριk Βερνε1910-1970

Bradford VTS

Parent, Adult, Child Tapes

Think of your brain like a video recorder

You all have parent, adult and child tapes to play

Which one you play most often is what defines you

And can therefore tell others how to interact with you in the most effective way

The best type of video tape is an adult-adult relationship

Parent

Two types – critical and nurturing The controlling parent is the one who scolds a

child for being late home for dinner “So, what have you got to say for yourself? Do

you realise I’ve been worried sick about you being so late. ”

The nurturing parent is the one who is glad they got home safely

“perhaps the next time we might like to think about giving me a call if you’re going to be late.”

Parent – critical (phrases)

CONTROLS, DISCIPLINES, RESTRICTS

BIASED ON PREJUDICES/OWN BELIEFS

Right and wrong. Good and bad. Never and always sensible and careless

What will people say….. That is the limit! Why haven’t you….. you must never….

Parent – nurturing (phrases)

HELPFUL, CARING, LOVING

BIASED ON FEELINGS Oh dear! What a

shame…. Take care…. Please remember to…. don’t be late…. Don’t be afraid…. I’ll help you…. It will take me long to…. Poor you…..

Adult ego (phrases)

Asks questions and seeks out facts

MATURE, DELIBERATING, NON-BIASED What do you think? How do you think? Why did it happen? What are the choices? Let’s find out. Let’s experiment. Let’s define it. How come we handle it best?

I keep six honest serving-men(They taught me all I knew);Their names are What and Why and WhenAnd How and Where and Who.

“The Elephant’s Child” in ‘Just So Stories’ (1902)Ρθδυαρδ Κιπλινγ (1865-1936)

Child Ego – there are two typesNatural ‘free’ child primitive, impulsive, instinctive, undisciplined, demanding Please don’t….. I didn’t mean to…

Adapted ‘rebellious’ child guilt, rebellion, disobedience, compromises I like, I wont, I must, I feel.You will always try to, let’s play, help me, Wow!I will in a moment, if only, if she can, so can I, it is mine

So What? Putting it all together… You can control your internal

thoughts By doing so, you can adapt

the way you interact with another person to their ego state

get the most out of a situation

and then... EVERYONE’s happy!

PAC compliments

Try to achieve the following P-P, A-A, C-C Pn-C (may result in them responding in

an adult way, then you can have A-A) A-C (may encourage A-A) Pn-A

PAC – crossovers (avoid)

Pc – is rarely ever good PC; A C (illustrated below)

P P

A A

C C

Summary

Masters in communication are those who have the greatest flexibility in how they respond to the other person.

That’s what PAC is all about: Being aware and choosing how to

respond

Other Inventories…

Honey & Mumford Learning Styles Conflict Styles Questionnaire Belbin Questionnaire MBTI (inventory) Play at home if you want to explore

further Compare with colleagues Discuss